Laughter Land

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

“You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”

Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender, “Got any ‘gwapes’?”, and the bartender replies, “No, sorry I don’t sell grapes here.” So the duck leaves and goes home to rest and the next day he walks into the same bar and asks the bar tender, “Got any gwapes?” The bartender replies, “No, sorry I don’t sell grape here.” The duck leaves and goes home to rest and the next day, he goes back to the bar and asks the bartender, “Got any gwapes?” The bartender angrily replies, “I don’t want to have to tell you again, I don’t sell grapes here and if you ask me again I will nail your beek to the counter of the bar!” The duck leaves and goes home to rest. The next day the duck goes to the bar and asks, “Got any nails?” The bartender looks at him and screams, “No, we don’t have any nails!” The duck then asks, “Got any gwapes?”

– All men are idiots, and I married their king.
– I brake for no apparent reason.
– Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
– Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
– I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
– Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
– Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
– I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
– Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
– Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
– Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
– Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
– Consciousness cuts into my napping.
– Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
– There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
– Keep honking. I’m reloading.

A few days after her husband’s death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.

The e-mail reads:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Q: How many IT guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, that’s a Facilities problem.

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

”But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, ”Just send me a postcard and write ’spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.”
(more…)

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

-”The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

One of the most used ways to develop positive relations with others, to give a ripple of partialism (or subjectivity) to a conversation and to define intentions concerning society is laughter. This is a reaction that is specific to humans being regulated by the brain. There is a special science that studies laughter – gelotology.

Laughter is a physiological and audible reaction. When we laugh our brain sends signals to our body so that we start moving our arms and our facial muscles are contracting. Laughing is an expression of joy and pleasure and it can start from stimuli like tickling or a joke. But these are not the only ways to laugh – there are another ‘artificial’ ways, which are based on inhaling nitrous oxide and smoking cannabis. (more…)

Some people just can’t stop laughing